I spent four years of high school with a group of the same girls. We spent almost every day together and soon enough every weekend. Growing up as a teenager, having that little crew was essential. An essential that could often blur a line I hadn't notice until after. This line is the separation of who we are, and who are friends are. In high school, I did not notice how much we could influence each other, and how our thoughts were becoming each other. Someone once told me that my friendships were "destructive". Consciously I did not agree with it, but it stuck with me. I would often think back to that moment, but never clearly. Its now two years later, and I've reached an understanding. We romanticize parts of relationships that should not be. Parts such as becoming one with someone else, that you lose yourself in the process. I did not realize this and how it affected me, until my friends and I grew apart. This past summer I spent in complete isolation. I became my own confidant, my own circle. This is when I learned what was meant by "destructive". However, we were not destructive. We just formed into one, before we formed into ourselves. That does not mean you are destructive though. As young adults, you are still molding and forming yourself. You can't destroy something that hasn't been formed. This is why isolating yourself needs to be done at times, in order to develop. You have the power to shut out so many things and allow only what you want to let in. Once we are able to do that within yourself, the rest becomes easier. When it came to developing myself, I discarded everything I knew and thought I was. I was now becoming a version of myself that I have always envisioned but couldn't reach. I found a connection spiritually that has strengthened me and guided me through this past year.
Society equates solitude with so many negative connotations that many feel scared or pressured to constantly be around others. Many get scared to turn down a " hey, let's go out tonight!", because of this connotation. Let me tell you something.. you are not missing anything! Take time for yourself, no matter how long. Don't be scared of losing people, because you need time for yourself. Don't believe it is wrong to do so. Don't let anyone call you selfish for doing so. Immerse yourself in the solitude, and take everything around you in. Take in the sounds, smells, and visuals, because every single thing around you becomes you.