Love and Leeches

Hello Friends, Family, Acquaintances,

We made it to month two of the new year. I know it’s been a while, but I hope everyone is doing well! If January wasn’t the greatest for you, that’s okay! It was a free trial period, so you are off the hook! But now we are in February, so we need to start being really clear with our intentions and what we want. At the end of 2018, I set the goal to continue on my healing process and to finally find peace. January was a really hard month for me, but very transitional as well. It was good in the sense that I got my sleep back in order, but I was still struggling with holding on to baggage. It’s crazy how much my past tugs at my present self. It’s honestly a constant battle for me. Recently, a leech of my past life tried to creep back in. Slowly they were invading the space I was creating for myself. They weren’t to blame though, because the truth is no one can invade your space unless you allow it. I like to say its the cost of being a good person, but being a good person shouldn’t have to come at the cost of your peace. That’s what I do though, as I have explained in my last post about seeing myself as a healer. I always want to help people any way I can, and although I’ve gotten better at not stretching myself thin, I still lack the ability to set boundaries for myself at times, especially with this particular person.

When our relationship dynamic changed,  I didn’t know how to be there anymore. So any chance I got to be there, I took it. I wanted to show them that I could still be a good and dependable friend. They knew that, and that’s how they started to take advantage of me. I started realizing that this new relationship was one-sided, and even though I spoke on it, I continued to allow it. It took me a bit ( like a week lol) to slap myself and get myself back in check. This wasn’t my first rodeo, you know? Just because the person I’m dealing with is different, and the situation in some aspects is different, I realized the premise and intentions are the same. When you know better, you do better, and I wasn’t going to allow my emotions to cloud my judgment again. I was letting my past with this person get the better of me but once I got myself in order, it was over. I have grown so much and been through too much to continue down that path. This cycle I tend to find myself in with others isn’t new. There’s a reason the tribe I have now is different than the tribe I had before. I’ve matured and grown out of those people. I let myself get caught up by this one person but: NO NO NO NO!!!!  I don’t need that!

You can’t have a healthy friendship with someone that is only giving the bare minimum. I had to realize that for me, part of achieving peace is not only healing, but knowing how to make myself unavailable this year. I need to learn how to block those people that just come to take, rather than give. I need to tend more to those that fill my cup, rather than drain it. It may have taken me a bit to realize that this pattern was happening again, but as soon as I realized it, I knew I deserved more. I think a quote that has been sticking with me the past week or so is: “It’s so empowering to say “ this isn’t serving me” and walking away in peace.” It is so empowering, and I’m noticing the power of self I’ve gained this year. The power of saying no to my flesh and emotions, and really putting my peace first. Obviously, I’m still a work in progress, but this is a really big step for me. To those that continue to pour in my cup, and show me nothing but grace…I love you so much and I am forever grateful for you. For those that mooch and want to drain me…..yikes not a good look. Shame on me for letting it happen, but shame on you for treating someone like that, and thinking it was okay. It’s all good though, babygirl knows her worth and she is no longer available to you.


 

P.S I want to know the goals you guys have set for the new year!!! Leave a comment and let me know so we can chat!!!